Monday, March 23, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Integrity
This is a reminder to folks:
Integrity is important - get it, get back to it & live it, learn it!
Integrity is consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome.
As a holistic concept, it judges the quality of a system in terms of its ability to achieve its own goals. A value system's abstraction depth and range of applicable interaction may also function as significant factors in identifying integrity due to their congruence or lack of congruence with empirical observation.
A value system may evolve over time while retaining integrity if those who espouse the values account for and resolve inconsistencies.
Integrity may be seen as the quality of having a sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for one's actions. The term "hypocrisy" is used in contrast to integrity for asserting that one part of a value system demonstrably conflicts with another, and to demand that the parties holding apparently conflicting values account for the discrepancy or change their beliefs to improve internal consistency.
Integrity is important - get it, get back to it & live it, learn it!
Integrity is consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome.
As a holistic concept, it judges the quality of a system in terms of its ability to achieve its own goals. A value system's abstraction depth and range of applicable interaction may also function as significant factors in identifying integrity due to their congruence or lack of congruence with empirical observation.
A value system may evolve over time while retaining integrity if those who espouse the values account for and resolve inconsistencies.
Integrity may be seen as the quality of having a sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for one's actions. The term "hypocrisy" is used in contrast to integrity for asserting that one part of a value system demonstrably conflicts with another, and to demand that the parties holding apparently conflicting values account for the discrepancy or change their beliefs to improve internal consistency.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
85%
I am at 85% with just about everything - and, I don't like it. I'm not just good - I'm great. So, for me to be at 85% that means I am doing too much. BUT, how do I reduce the load when I'm doing everything I like!
OR, is 85% ok? Do I have to always be 100%?
This is something I have to figure out - I have to feel good about my "good" work and it not being "excellent"!
I did our taxes for 2008 and I wonder how we even survived 2008 financially! Seriously, things were tough but on paper - they were much tougher than I thought.
WOW.
BUT, I am taking our taxes to get a nearly free membership to the YMCA for the entire family! I am going to put Cleshawn and Alize on there - so, that we can all go to the pool and do activities.
We are doing the landmark forum seminar this weekend. I'm sure I'll have some posts about the forum. It is Fri, Sat, Sun 9 am to 10 pm each day. It is essentially a self help seminar about living authentically and honestly with self and those around you.
I need this. We need this. I am happy we are doing this together.
This is what I'm nervous about - discovering things in my concious that I'm unaware of.
OR, is 85% ok? Do I have to always be 100%?
This is something I have to figure out - I have to feel good about my "good" work and it not being "excellent"!
I did our taxes for 2008 and I wonder how we even survived 2008 financially! Seriously, things were tough but on paper - they were much tougher than I thought.
WOW.
BUT, I am taking our taxes to get a nearly free membership to the YMCA for the entire family! I am going to put Cleshawn and Alize on there - so, that we can all go to the pool and do activities.
We are doing the landmark forum seminar this weekend. I'm sure I'll have some posts about the forum. It is Fri, Sat, Sun 9 am to 10 pm each day. It is essentially a self help seminar about living authentically and honestly with self and those around you.
I need this. We need this. I am happy we are doing this together.
This is what I'm nervous about - discovering things in my concious that I'm unaware of.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Change
Change is coming! I can feel it - I am nervous for possibilities.
The mind is a powerful "thing" and to control it is a bit scary; mind control to get to truth and authenticity! PURPOSE, Leadership, Community, Family - what matters? Ridding of those folks and things that don't matter; and then making sure that those folks and things that do matter aren't rid of.
My world was turned upside down the second half of last year, just after I had already been turned the first half of last year. I suppose that's would be called a 360, yeah? Yeah, I'd say.
2008 was a year of learning some hard truths; fighting for what was good and letting go of what was bad. I still have some fine tuning to do ... but this is the change I see coming.
Change is surely coming - I am nervous for the possiblities - but, I am opening up to them and preparing.
I see some folks, left behind, still just living in the drama and still living in their past drama ... I am so happy that I fully feel and understand forgiveness so that my life isn't around prooving and outdoing.
I am thankful for the reminder to forgive, forget, and move forward.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Really nothing ....
- Reading Journal
- Women of Color disproporionatly incarcerated ... meeting, planning, mapping, writing, reading ...
- NOMI ... meeting, planning, seminar planning, forming, making it happen
- list after list of tracking ... this and or that ... to show and tell then I suppose proove
- myspace
- driving
- shity diapers
- reheat frozen pizza
- diet coke rather than diet cherry coke
- inhaler
- prednizone
- diet coke
- shitty attitude
- raise my voice
- feel bad about raising my voice
- writing
- journaling my readings
- youtubing angela davis ... bad ass angela davis ... rocks my world angela davis
- youtubing landmark forum
- paying 800 bucks for landmark forum
- thinking of the future ... planning the future
- cridentials commitee for dflers tomorrow
- delegate for ward and city dfl endorsement ... go don ... go rt!
- writing group paper ... draft 2 of paper 2
- messy car
- clean room
- why doesn't she care about his shitty diaper. does she not care?
- unhappy around me
- miss mecca miss mici miss azja
- didn't talk to my mom all week ... what?
- mom's b day sunday ... what to do?
- taxes
- back taxes
- can i get some wic
- mortgage modification ... on purpose? yeah.
- annotation
- public speaking
- bills that are unpaid
- money coming in slow ... draining account quick
- visions of graduation ... enjoying what i am learning
- lazy at work for weeks
- grateful for good work ... getting a commission check
- wishing i was a realtor still ... wondering how i can get license off ice from department of commerce ... pay a fee? 80 bucks.
- tabs ticket
- cliffs new speed ticket
- child support court ... missin the cali kid
- busy saturday ....
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Caucus 3/2/2009
"Hi, my name is Nicole Doran, I am Precinct Captain for Don Samuels City Council reelection. I hope you'll support Don Samuels."
Just practicing! This is an easy conversation for me to have and I am super proud to be Precinct Captain for my precinct. Don is one of the most savvy down to earth from the bottom up kinda leader in the political world. He knows how to build bridges and bring money to the community and work to get that money on the communities terms.
This work inspires me. In fact, we are spending 30k on my masters degree education at Humphrey Institute - Master Public Affairs: Community Economic Developmet! So, I suppose this has to be important to spend that kind of money ... or let's be real ... get those kind of student loans (and additional debt)!! Anyway, Don has brought the spotlight on my community and my community has pulled me in such a way that I feel absolutely drawn to living in north Minneapolis!
Don performed the marriage of my husband and I! He did our pre-marriage counseling ... we might have needed a few more sessions :) but non the less, I am proud that he was the person who married us!
Just practicing! This is an easy conversation for me to have and I am super proud to be Precinct Captain for my precinct. Don is one of the most savvy down to earth from the bottom up kinda leader in the political world. He knows how to build bridges and bring money to the community and work to get that money on the communities terms.
This work inspires me. In fact, we are spending 30k on my masters degree education at Humphrey Institute - Master Public Affairs: Community Economic Developmet! So, I suppose this has to be important to spend that kind of money ... or let's be real ... get those kind of student loans (and additional debt)!! Anyway, Don has brought the spotlight on my community and my community has pulled me in such a way that I feel absolutely drawn to living in north Minneapolis!
Don performed the marriage of my husband and I! He did our pre-marriage counseling ... we might have needed a few more sessions :) but non the less, I am proud that he was the person who married us!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Funny Photo - Wedding
I think this photo is so funny! Nique took this while I was on the stool in my wedding dress. I LOVE IT! She is having a baby very soon!
PHOTO = TOO FUH-NEE!
2/27/09 7th Street Entry @ First Ave
(L-R: me, Anne, Dre, and Lacey)
We went to DJ Snuggles 21st B-day @ 7th Street Entry & had a little fun!
Elle and Cliff are missing from the photot.
Nice night out! Super casual and down to earth ... hip hop show with local artist performing. Snuggles is Cliff's friend from barber school. Nice kid who can beat box super duper uber good.
Thanks for a good night.
Some People Have NO Class
Wow! I am amazed at what people will put in the public eye; it shows little to no class. Gross.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Cliff is home ....
I like it when Cliff comes home to be with us!!
He works so much and is working hard to get us caught up - because we are ready to come out of our slump soon - and, we are REALLY far behind! I'm proud of him for putting in the much needed effort and grunt work @ this stage in his new career.
BUT, while we need the money for bills ... sometimes it is just nice for him to be home! PLUS, then I get to do some of my school work cuz I am sure trying to come back up!!!
He works so much and is working hard to get us caught up - because we are ready to come out of our slump soon - and, we are REALLY far behind! I'm proud of him for putting in the much needed effort and grunt work @ this stage in his new career.
BUT, while we need the money for bills ... sometimes it is just nice for him to be home! PLUS, then I get to do some of my school work cuz I am sure trying to come back up!!!
Draft 1 - Policy Project Description
DRAFT 1 - Policy Problem Description
Problem
The Criminal Justice System disproportionately and negatively affects people of color; which, in turn, creates additional social determinate barriers and collateral damage.
There is 500% more people in prison now than there was in 1980. 60-80% of women in prison are women of color. There is a need to redefine who goes through the prison institution and how people go through the criminal justice system. Collateral sanctions contribute to an unjust system and should be minimized, if not eliminated altogether. The answer to poverty – which, also, disproportionately affects people of color – is to lock people of color and poor people away. This is social control rather than for the common good of society.
History of Policy Analyzed
The history of United State Policy will be uncovered analyzed in detail which will help understand the astounding facts that uncover why people of color are dis- proportionately incarcerated.
When the founders of he United States wrote the constitution “who” did they have in mind when they spoke of “Men” in The Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness." They declared these as intrinsic to the individual and without need of proof. The words of The Declaration of Independence are very powerful. Essentially, the Declaration of Independence was created by people who had framed “Men” with many people in the margins and not considered “man;” namely, people of color and women. If the meanings were twisted from The Declaration of Independence and then was codified into the Constitution – from the inception of the United States we have had contradictions. Ideals such as freedom, individual rights, and intrinsic equality are a contradiction to slavery and genocide. These ideals have historically been woven into policy and law in the United States.
Social Determinants and Collateral Damage Analyzed
An explanation of social determinate and collateral damage will be examined and investigate. The issue of social determinate is multifarious and overlapping; but, also, collateral damage is far-reaching and often becomes cyclical.
Worldwide the United States has a disproportionate number of people in prison relative to the world; but then within this country there is a disproportionate number of people of color relative to the country. Imposed sanctions have a negative effect, not only on those incarcerated or re-entering society upon release, but on virtually every aspect of our society. Those caught up in the system and those affected by collateral damage have been affective negatively, in most cases, and simply they trickle not only into their communities and families but into society at large. For example, the non profit organization Justice Now believes that “prisons and policing are not making our communities safe and whole but that, in fact, the current system severely damages the people it imprisons and the communities most affected by it.” Like the cycle of unequal policy there is a cycle of how prisons affect communities; with the overlap of social determinates and the impact of collateral damage.
Alternatives
There are multiple alternatives to the way people are run through the criminal justice system; also, change the collateral sanctions and affect the social determinates.
Justice Now believes “in working toward a society that no longer relies on prisons but instead invests resources in making communities stronger.” But, if there is going to be prisons then looking at more humane options that don’t violate human and civil rights.
Problem
The Criminal Justice System disproportionately and negatively affects people of color; which, in turn, creates additional social determinate barriers and collateral damage.
There is 500% more people in prison now than there was in 1980. 60-80% of women in prison are women of color. There is a need to redefine who goes through the prison institution and how people go through the criminal justice system. Collateral sanctions contribute to an unjust system and should be minimized, if not eliminated altogether. The answer to poverty – which, also, disproportionately affects people of color – is to lock people of color and poor people away. This is social control rather than for the common good of society.
History of Policy Analyzed
The history of United State Policy will be uncovered analyzed in detail which will help understand the astounding facts that uncover why people of color are dis- proportionately incarcerated.
When the founders of he United States wrote the constitution “who” did they have in mind when they spoke of “Men” in The Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness." They declared these as intrinsic to the individual and without need of proof. The words of The Declaration of Independence are very powerful. Essentially, the Declaration of Independence was created by people who had framed “Men” with many people in the margins and not considered “man;” namely, people of color and women. If the meanings were twisted from The Declaration of Independence and then was codified into the Constitution – from the inception of the United States we have had contradictions. Ideals such as freedom, individual rights, and intrinsic equality are a contradiction to slavery and genocide. These ideals have historically been woven into policy and law in the United States.
Social Determinants and Collateral Damage Analyzed
An explanation of social determinate and collateral damage will be examined and investigate. The issue of social determinate is multifarious and overlapping; but, also, collateral damage is far-reaching and often becomes cyclical.
Worldwide the United States has a disproportionate number of people in prison relative to the world; but then within this country there is a disproportionate number of people of color relative to the country. Imposed sanctions have a negative effect, not only on those incarcerated or re-entering society upon release, but on virtually every aspect of our society. Those caught up in the system and those affected by collateral damage have been affective negatively, in most cases, and simply they trickle not only into their communities and families but into society at large. For example, the non profit organization Justice Now believes that “prisons and policing are not making our communities safe and whole but that, in fact, the current system severely damages the people it imprisons and the communities most affected by it.” Like the cycle of unequal policy there is a cycle of how prisons affect communities; with the overlap of social determinates and the impact of collateral damage.
Alternatives
There are multiple alternatives to the way people are run through the criminal justice system; also, change the collateral sanctions and affect the social determinates.
Justice Now believes “in working toward a society that no longer relies on prisons but instead invests resources in making communities stronger.” But, if there is going to be prisons then looking at more humane options that don’t violate human and civil rights.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Sorry!
I'm sorry. I could have dealt with my anger better and channelled my energy in a more positive way (or at least not negatively)! I have to work on that.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness, in it's basic form, is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is an extremely valuable skill to have. I have needed forgiveness my entire life; and right now - I need it more than ever.
What I consider NEXT to murder, I have forgiven! Other than murder close to the worse thing possible. I have seriously, forgiven and then further rebuilt trust again with the betrayer. Of course, the process of that forgiveness and trust building LITERALLY took a good decade or even more.
Most recently, I have had to really revisit and explore this strenght of forgiveness that I've had my entire life. Betrayal is tough to deal with and work though - especially when you get a BIG HUGE DOSE of it all at one time - can we say x 3 plus 1 - yes TIMES 3 plus 1!!! Frankly, I'm not there all the way but at least the NEED (yes, NEED) for negativity gone; I'm working on it.
Compounded betrayal and then having no forgiveness is not a good combination - but also I have always been able to look to the future. Shit, shit happens!! Never say never because people get caught up. I'd like to say that I won't get caught up (and I won't) but the reality is people make mistakes. That is why I always say, don't judge because you never know when you'll be the person getting judged.
Still, honestly we have to protect ourselves as well. Letting go of the pain is a must in life ... however that doesn't mean you need to forget. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting! I won't repeat that but it is worth remembering. We have to protect ourselves from the learned lesson -- RETAIN THAT LESSON -- but, before you move on or move forward release the anger and pain somehow! Acknowledge your own inner pain; this can take what feels like forever because like death (since betrayal is loss) you go through stages and sometimes each stage can be different.
When your [well, when I am] super fucking angry it is so hard to express your feelings. AND, then when you do express your feeling by yelling and/or attacking the person or people ... you can [also] do some long term damage to that relationship. I'd say figure out as soon as possible if your going to keep that relationship or let it go. Sometimes, that is super difficult to decide when you so damn angry you fear going to jail for acting stupid. So, I suppose assume the relationship will get repaired in some form or another.
One thing that has helped me is trying to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion. Anger with compassion, HUH? Yeah, right. WHY? Truth is - I do this and sometimes I feel like I'm a sucker for doing it AND I do it some much that when someone has done something to me I am quick to try and talk and they don't want to. I have to check myself on this becuase it is really what I want but shit some folks don't know that.
The other thing is demand the truth and nothing but the truth and if you feel like they are lying then they most likely are lying. Gosh, I cannot stand it when I make up my mind on something and I don't know the truth. What makes me so mad about that is ... someone else is basically then deciding for me. LET ME DECIDE. AND, if you are sorry ... don't LIE. That's tough because now that you move forward or move on ... how do you get back to that trust again ... when you know deep down that they could or are still lying.
Remember: most people are selfish and it is rare that someone will live authentically. Don't beat yourself up trying to figure out i.e. if you could have been a better friend to her or a better partner to your man; forgive yourself for your role in the relationship and or the problem. Yeah, both have some fault in any kind of relationship.
BUT, remember, when coping with THINGS/ISSUES/FEELINGS it is important that you don't betray other people. REVENGE isn't going to feel good; I've have felt like revenge would be good but I've actually never had revenge on someone. Oh, wait, when I was 19 I did ... but I ended up looking stupid in the end. I think I learned my lesson quick in that situation but also it didn't make me feel good either.
Oh, and also, some people will betray you in one situation that you wouldn't but then in another they won't. People cope differently with different issues. Sometimes I wonder how the hell he could do that ... well, just cuz I wouldn't doesn't mean he wouldn't. REMEMBER: Look, some folks just are not going to change or if they do change - they just are never going to change in your duo; decide whether to remain in the relationship. This is not easy. The other person more than likely is not a piece of shit.
Forgiveness doesn't have to happen together; you can do it on your own. So, right now, I forgive you! Say it. I care about you but we will never be friends. AND, I'm sorry for my part too. Say it out loud or in writing.
What I consider NEXT to murder, I have forgiven! Other than murder close to the worse thing possible. I have seriously, forgiven and then further rebuilt trust again with the betrayer. Of course, the process of that forgiveness and trust building LITERALLY took a good decade or even more.
Most recently, I have had to really revisit and explore this strenght of forgiveness that I've had my entire life. Betrayal is tough to deal with and work though - especially when you get a BIG HUGE DOSE of it all at one time - can we say x 3 plus 1 - yes TIMES 3 plus 1!!! Frankly, I'm not there all the way but at least the NEED (yes, NEED) for negativity gone; I'm working on it.
Compounded betrayal and then having no forgiveness is not a good combination - but also I have always been able to look to the future. Shit, shit happens!! Never say never because people get caught up. I'd like to say that I won't get caught up (and I won't) but the reality is people make mistakes. That is why I always say, don't judge because you never know when you'll be the person getting judged.
Still, honestly we have to protect ourselves as well. Letting go of the pain is a must in life ... however that doesn't mean you need to forget. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting! I won't repeat that but it is worth remembering. We have to protect ourselves from the learned lesson -- RETAIN THAT LESSON -- but, before you move on or move forward release the anger and pain somehow! Acknowledge your own inner pain; this can take what feels like forever because like death (since betrayal is loss) you go through stages and sometimes each stage can be different.
When your [well, when I am] super fucking angry it is so hard to express your feelings. AND, then when you do express your feeling by yelling and/or attacking the person or people ... you can [also] do some long term damage to that relationship. I'd say figure out as soon as possible if your going to keep that relationship or let it go. Sometimes, that is super difficult to decide when you so damn angry you fear going to jail for acting stupid. So, I suppose assume the relationship will get repaired in some form or another.
One thing that has helped me is trying to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion. Anger with compassion, HUH? Yeah, right. WHY? Truth is - I do this and sometimes I feel like I'm a sucker for doing it AND I do it some much that when someone has done something to me I am quick to try and talk and they don't want to. I have to check myself on this becuase it is really what I want but shit some folks don't know that.
The other thing is demand the truth and nothing but the truth and if you feel like they are lying then they most likely are lying. Gosh, I cannot stand it when I make up my mind on something and I don't know the truth. What makes me so mad about that is ... someone else is basically then deciding for me. LET ME DECIDE. AND, if you are sorry ... don't LIE. That's tough because now that you move forward or move on ... how do you get back to that trust again ... when you know deep down that they could or are still lying.
Remember: most people are selfish and it is rare that someone will live authentically. Don't beat yourself up trying to figure out i.e. if you could have been a better friend to her or a better partner to your man; forgive yourself for your role in the relationship and or the problem. Yeah, both have some fault in any kind of relationship.
BUT, remember, when coping with THINGS/ISSUES/FEELINGS it is important that you don't betray other people. REVENGE isn't going to feel good; I've have felt like revenge would be good but I've actually never had revenge on someone. Oh, wait, when I was 19 I did ... but I ended up looking stupid in the end. I think I learned my lesson quick in that situation but also it didn't make me feel good either.
Oh, and also, some people will betray you in one situation that you wouldn't but then in another they won't. People cope differently with different issues. Sometimes I wonder how the hell he could do that ... well, just cuz I wouldn't doesn't mean he wouldn't. REMEMBER: Look, some folks just are not going to change or if they do change - they just are never going to change in your duo; decide whether to remain in the relationship. This is not easy. The other person more than likely is not a piece of shit.
Forgiveness doesn't have to happen together; you can do it on your own. So, right now, I forgive you! Say it. I care about you but we will never be friends. AND, I'm sorry for my part too. Say it out loud or in writing.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Travel with Cliff
This is Cliff and I. Typical, I pull him close and stretch out my arm to snap our picture. I wonder if had ever done that before. Was I the first to do that? I bet. He probably thought I was crazy. This is us at my cousin Laurie and Steves house in San Francisco. They rented a lovely home that ended up selling for like 4 million bucks or something outragous like that ... but I think the rent was upwards of 4 or 5k a month. CRAZY.
Anyway, I already had a trip planned to San Fran and said hell come meet me. So, Cliff got on his first airplane ride 09/2003 probably. We enjoyed San Fran together. My gramma who was like 92 at the time (now she just passed this last year at 98) liked Cliff. She and her sister who was 94 sat at the table in my cousins' kitchen and drank beer for breakfast. SO FUNNY. Anyway, Cliff always liked my gramma and her sister Dot.
This was the first of many vacations we took - about 2 or so time per year we went on an adventure. We have traveled since 02/2007 in Playa Del Carmen when I was like 7 months pregnant. We'll travel again when money gets better and the baby gets bigger.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Photo
OK, I thought this would be fun. I'm going to pick a photo either from my myspace, facebook, or myphotos folder and just tell the story behind the photo. Something to do other than work right now....
Tre' goes to school at my friends day care center/preschool. He goes 3 days a week and she only charges me for 1 day. I honestly do not know what we would do without this generosity. I mean, when she offered I couldn't believe it. I drive out of the way to bring him to his school. He loves his school and his teachers. It is totally worth it bringing him 20 minutes out of the way each day to have him be with these teacher and at this center. Cliff stays home with him on Mondays, I stay home with him half day on Wednesdays and then all day on Saturday then we are both with him on Sundays. I think this is a great balance for Tre and for Cliff and I.
He is sitting in a bumbo in this photo and I remembe when he was little and we used this ... I would see the older kids climb in it and think that when he gets big he will do that too. AND, he does. This picture also shows Tre's first hair cut that daddy did at the barber shop. Tre' was a good boy and just sucked on his sucker and didn't cry or move when Cliff took the cutters to his head. Nice. I have video of it on my facebook.
Today- Tre' and I will mall walk like we usually do at either Maplewood Mall or Mall of America and I will get my toes and nails done. Maybe do that tanning thing I talked about yesterday. Yeah.
Attain this and/or that!
Today I work half days and still the compressed work day is not motivating me to be focused. Usually, no matter what ... I can be focused at work! BUT, why aren't I this week? I don't get it. I must have many things on my mind because my mind is running wild. I keep have stupid dreams like .... going to work and realizing I didn't put a bra on. So stupid, huh? I keep chasing this and/or that in my dreams too. They are the kind of dreams that you want to go back to sleep just to get back into the dream and finish it.
HHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM..... maybe I got something there ... chasing and the need to finish. Sounds like my quest in life -- always trying to attain something - everything.
I will get everything done at work it's just that I'm not pushing through as fast as usual. What is so odd ... it's most of my team feeling the same. Maybe after the rough hours and stress we've had in this last round of "refi" boom and an upcoming one ... we having a mental check out/break.
Well, I have like 9 more deals to get done and start a new one and then tell someone they have been denied. I hate the you are denied phone call ... it seems like I'm the one with the power but really I am just the messenger.
HHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM..... maybe I got something there ... chasing and the need to finish. Sounds like my quest in life -- always trying to attain something - everything.
I will get everything done at work it's just that I'm not pushing through as fast as usual. What is so odd ... it's most of my team feeling the same. Maybe after the rough hours and stress we've had in this last round of "refi" boom and an upcoming one ... we having a mental check out/break.
Well, I have like 9 more deals to get done and start a new one and then tell someone they have been denied. I hate the you are denied phone call ... it seems like I'm the one with the power but really I am just the messenger.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Karma & Law of Attraction
Karma means whatever you are DOING or THINKING .... which will follow to the next life!
Well, what about in this life? If Karma isn't till our next life ... what about in this life?
Energy and Law of Attraction -- energy attracts like energy?
Thoughts? I am thinking so much about this because of the last year I have experienced and what has been my part in the process of a ton of bullshit. Also, I am trying to reflect and process many different feelings about the last year. BECAUSE, the reality of life is that we have ups and downs - what we make of our downs will help bring a better quality of life.
Also, I want to minimize where I can the ups and the downs to have a little bit more of a level playing field. JUST simplicity! I had such a simple life before - now, I have new layers. I want my complex life to have a level of simplicity and I think that the key is in the Laws of Attraction!
Well, what about in this life? If Karma isn't till our next life ... what about in this life?
Energy and Law of Attraction -- energy attracts like energy?
Thoughts? I am thinking so much about this because of the last year I have experienced and what has been my part in the process of a ton of bullshit. Also, I am trying to reflect and process many different feelings about the last year. BECAUSE, the reality of life is that we have ups and downs - what we make of our downs will help bring a better quality of life.
Also, I want to minimize where I can the ups and the downs to have a little bit more of a level playing field. JUST simplicity! I had such a simple life before - now, I have new layers. I want my complex life to have a level of simplicity and I think that the key is in the Laws of Attraction!
Youthful Reminder
Gosh, look @ those legs. I love how fit I was during this time of my life! This is 1992 & it's 17 years later; so, essentially, I am 2x older now than I was in this photo. CRAZY. It feels like yesterday. So, I'm going to post some goals here. While I'm in my mid 30's, I understand I have to realistic since my lifestyle is much different now than it was then.
OK: First TAN!- this summer I am spending time at that beach. Tre' and I hit up the beach twice last summer and I really enjoyed myself!! So, I need sunlight and I need a tan. My tanning booth cost about $100 for 5 sessions since it is the UVB free bed. Cliff did tell me the other day that I need a tan - he said it not to be mean but my new hair color sort of calls for a bit of a tan. So, I'm going to start tanning this week. I have to admit - I miss tanning - but frankly, when money is tight that is the last thing on my mind & I refuse to go in the other tanning beds. I don't want to look like leather skin.
OK: Second WALKING! - this past summer I started to do some walking with Tre in his wagon. When spring comes we are hitting the pavement again. Till then, I'm hitting the treadmill 1-3 miles 3x a week.
OK: Third DENIM SKIRT & BOOTS! - I have to get into the old Nikki outfit staple and hit the town. Well, lately, I have been buying new dresses and honestly the dress I had on for Valentine's day was super hot. My point, I need to get ready ready 1x per week - even if just for work!
OK: Fourth HEALTHY SNACKS! - I've already started this. So, no big deal. I've been watching what and how much I eat. I need to just step it up a notch.
I do not induldge in myself as much as I use to; mostly, well, DUH! I am a mom and wife and a full time working and a half time graduate student. I won't have my youth always however I will stay as youthful as possible.
Good & Bad
I am building and growing; holding on to the good and working on or letting go of the bad.
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